When I Ride…

Unnecessary Heartache…

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.

—Karen Blixen

Austin Radiology wants me to come in again. They see something different in my mammogram and can’t identify it.

Let’s get them to take a closer look, my doctor said.

My mind just went into whiteout mode.

Scheduling my follow-up appointment for early the next morning, I decided not to think about it anymore. There is nothing to think about until something actually makes itself known OR unknown, I reminded myself. Go to the gym and then jump in the Springs.

But in the back of my mind…

So the next morning I got up early and went to a modern, comfortable clinic that does this sort of specialized “looking“. I’ll read so I don’t think about it…

They call my name.

The staff is very professional and we quickly get through the extra shots of my poor squished body part. Do I understand correctly that the radiologist will interpret my films before I leave today? I asked the technician. Yes, that is correct.

Good, no more waiting. And so some time passes. Mizzz Rabon? The radiologist would like to take a couple more shots. Hmmm.

After using a different squishing machine…I wait.

Mizzz Rabon? We need to take some additional shots from a different angle. My chest was starting to get tight as I began to create the reason for all of these additional pictures. No! I told myself. The radiologist is just making sure that this spot is exactly what they think it is…nothing. So I wait.

Mizzz Rabon, please follow me. So, I’m walking down the hall and a new technician smiles at me and says…we would like to do an ultrasound so will you follow me? Wait!

I asked her if that was normal procedure or was there some sort of problem. She tries to assure me that in theeeze cases…it’s just a different sort of picture, a more complete picture that they are looking for. She showed me my X-rays. I saw it. A grey, spidery looking mass coming out into my breast from my ribcage. I touched my breast at that spot. Who are you in there, I asked?

After a good, long ultra-sound, she left the room to consult and I asked her to leave the lights off. I just wanted to lie there a minute. I started thinking about all the time I have been wasting, waiting for the convenient, perfect moment to make some changes in my life and now here I was. Waiting to find out what was getting ready to possibly happen for the rest of it. Tears began to slip out of the corners of my eyes and I let them go. I think I had been needing a good cry for about a year now.

Sweetly, she stepped back into the room and sat down. After a big sigh, she smiled and said...we have concluded that this dark image is probably part of the muscle over your rib that got pulled into the picture. We absolutely believe that everything is fine but we would like to see you back in 6 months to take another look and compare pictures. We really believe it is NOTHING though.

Then the tears DID come. Silly me.

Peace of Mind

This entry was published on May 24, 2011 at 6:24 pm. It’s filed under contemplations, health and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

6 thoughts on “Unnecessary Heartache…

  1. Thank. God.
    Terrifying. So glad they figured out it was muscle!

  2. Carmen Mattei Greenlee on said:

    Hey there,

    Have been down this road before, and so grateful that you were able to get a (relatively) quick conclusion. I had to wait through yet another procedure for my clean bill…needle aspiration of fluid. All fine.

  3. I was on the edge of my chair reading this! So glad it turned out ok … but, having been through something similar, can completely relate to that deep sense of dread that looms largely over you.



  4. It was truly a life changing moment. Thanks,MJ

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