Intimacy is the real stuff of life. I’m at an age now where the “fluffy” stuff just doesn’t interest me anymore. My husband said something yesterday like…Either the relationships in my life get good or I’m moving on…don’t quote me. What I got from that was, let’s get real.
Gone are the conversations I have with people where we don’t say anything. Oh, there is a lot of talking, but nothing of any real substance being discussed. I don’t want to work hard to have a conversation, anymore. My laughs from now on are coming from down deep and are real. Not a courtesy. I put thought into what I say these days and don’t just blabber with constant verbiage not really adding to anyone’s life, but don’t ask my son’s opinion of that…
I can still be loving and stop someone in the middle of a story and say, “ now tell me how you REALLY are. I want to know, “ …I DO want to know. Don’t tell me just the good stuff. I can handle hearing about something that is really frustrating you.
Intimacy in friendships is what I’m looking for. I used to wait for people to warm up to me but if I have known you for a year and you are still keeping me at an arm’s length…you just aren’t that into me and that’s okay. I’m moving on. I’ve got some real friends to make out there and I don’t want to waste anymore time.
I am the kind of person that has a few really close friends. I’m not a friend collector. A couple of them I have known before my son was born, one is an old girlfriend of my little brother’s from high school..one I just adopted from another friend because I would never want to miss out on someone as genuinely sweet as she is. Some ride, most don’t. I think the thing that all of my close friends have in common is that they will be honest with me, sympathetic but not just tell me what I want to hear. I can be pretty opinionated. I like my friends to gently rein me in when need be. Give me a different perspective or just tell me I’m wrong.
I will not compete with my girlfriends. I am past that. I love learning new things and I love that most of my close friends are younger than me. They keep me current.
With close friends I can cuss a little. I can have a drink at lunch and not be scolded. We can sit outside my horse trailer and not talk at all while watching the stars. We can borrow each other’s clothes and sleep under a mosquito net together.
I admire something about each one of them and I’m blessed they chose me.