When I Ride…

Possible Storm on the Horizon…

Incoming...

Incoming…

Having that difficult conversation…

Thinking about it ahead of time, I psych myself out. All the “what ifs” and “might happen” keep me putting it off. Fear of the unknown…

Like watching this storm come across the hills, not long ago…I was walking about a mile from the barn and my mind started in on me. “How did you get caught out here and not see this on the horizon”? Lightning flashing, I could hear the rain and wind approaching through the nearby trees. I started to run…

Interestingly…I don’t get nervous when I am having a potentially difficult conversation with a horse. One of my clients has a Quarter Horse that wants to walk around, moving back and forth as she tries to saddle him. That behavior also shows up when she is trying to mount.

She asked if I could help.

I wasn’t thinking ahead of time about any “what if’s”. With horses, I “say” with my behavior, what is appropriate at the time. Staying focused and grounded in the moment is the most effective way I have found to show up during those difficult conversations. Knowing what my boundaries are and my desired outcome of this conversation, I approach the horse or person with a calm and confidant intention that this is a win, win situation. I am clear about what is acceptable and what is not. I let them choose what their response is and then respond accordingly. No practicing what I will say if they say this or that…

I’m not going into the hows of my changing the horse’s behavior here. My point is…

When preparing for a difficult conversation, think of doing something in the past that you thought was going to be difficult, but you did it successfully and came through it fine. Remember the smile on your face recollecting how you had thought it was going to be so “hard”? This can be another one of those times…

Know what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not. Be confident and clear when communicating your desires, don’t go in kicking rocks, looking down with your hands in your pockets…

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When you are finished, smile, say thank you and walk away with a promise to revisit this subject later if they choose to.

Horses and people. Not so different…

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This entry was published on September 27, 2013 at 5:52 pm. It’s filed under horses and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

8 thoughts on “Possible Storm on the Horizon…

  1. An interesting post to read and meditate.

  2. so very true, Lissa. I had a conversation about money recently – mine. I accepted a new job last year and, in filling a vacant position under me, I came to realize how grossly underpaid I’d been in my old job (same level as I was filling). We’re not taught how to do this, and it’s uncomfortable for everyone.

    but – I thought about it long and hard and decided that if I said nothing, the answer was already no. Why not ask for more? I pitched my case- reasonably, soundly and with good data to support me – and guess what happened? They did the right thing, and adjusted my pay.

    To be truthful, I cared less about getting more $$ as I did about exposing the prior “boss” who had done so little for me all those years (and who still works at my company and is now in a higher paying job, of course).

    Promoting someone deserving is gratifying, but facing your fears and netting a positive result is empowering!

    Loved your analogy,
    MJ

  3. Beautiful photos! No doubt what my heart looks like while I am creating stories about what will happen if I do X or Y. Choosing to stay in the sun regardless of the outcome takes courage but return peace.

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