Choosing my experience

I went to Home Depot today to buy solar Christmas lights so I could decorate one of the trees in front of my Tiny Home. I parked close to the door for an easy in and out, it didn’t look busy from the outside. I think a lot of people were getting ready for a possible freeze tonight. The weather persons are calling for one in the Hill Country, in the low lying places, out on the fringes… But what I noticed most of all was how everyone was in such a big hurry. It’s Christmas! No actually tomorrow is Thanksgiving… But everybody’s thinking about Christmas already. Here I was buying lights for a tree for God’s sake! After I found what I was looking for, I turned around and watched for a minute. There were a couple of children in the store walking through the artificial pre-lit trees and I was reminded of the smell and excitement of going to a Christmas tree lot and picking out our tree when my dad was alive and when my son was little. I thought how Christmas has changed for me, our family doesn’t get together the way it used to and my grandparents have gone on. My mom does her best to recreate the old days with all of us, hanging stockings, etc.… but I’m one of those people who gets sad at the holidays. I heard myself telling someone that… while I internally was asking myself, why? I don’t know. So I’m taking Christmas back! This year I am going to look for those unexpected moments, the wonder that I used to feel as a child. I’m willing to slow down and notice what’s going on, see the joy in the eyes of kids if I have to, to relive and recreate that excitement. Maybe I’ll start a new tradition. I have an oven this year so I can bake goodies which I haven’t been able to do in a while. I’m going to do what it takes to slow down and enjoy this time of year, not putting to much pressure on myself to feel any particular way. But I will distract myself from the way I have felt in the past 10 years. This year will be different! If you are one of those people who gets excited and loves the holidays, good for you! I will be joining you this year.